Let’s delve into Part 2 of the inaugural report for my Data Collection Project exploring the role and impacts of moral injury during low-morale experiences. See Part 1 to learn about the catalyst for this project, along with parameters for moral injury and to review quantitative data from respondents. This part shares qualitative data – narratives from respondents that include details about how they were treated during their low-morale experiences, as well as instances of moral injury and impact and outcomes.
Details about abuse faced during low-morale experiences:
People taking credit for my work in tenure track. People knowing they were doing it, but still allowed tenure to continue. Having to take time when my child was hospitalized during exams and later being told I let the library down by a person who came in late daily dealing with her own child’s issues.
Screaming and shouting from employee, he has his mom watch me all day when we work together, he has threatened to call the police on me, and my boss just says “document” and because she is my boss, I have to do as she says. Now, I have no way to support or help my staff as I’m not getting the support I need. I feel so depressed and inferior in the job I do everyday. I question myself all the time.
I was asked to put myself and others in harmful situations. I would discuss openly with administrators and would be reprimanded and forced to enact rules that were harmful to others- dealing with known dangerous patrons, not dealing with cockroaches or asking staff to spray for pests
My dean spends our budget irresponsibly, paints our staff in a negative light to curry favor with campus partners, promotes EDI and wellness but degrades her BIPOC staff and pushes urgency at every step, makes promises with full confidence and then walks back her promise with no apology or explanation.
Having leaders refuse to fight truth to power. Having leaders consider me worthless due to disability.
Having to complete a “homeless training” that I find to be discriminatory and dated or face disciplined, being made to let security handle patron issues in a punitive, biased manner that is not trauma-informed when I know we have the resources to help these patrons instead of kicking them out, having to smile when administrators walk our floor and critic our displays and damaged book carts instead of knowing our names, engaging us in conversation, or making our wellness a priority. Not being able to do anything besides check in on my colleagues who have been physically beaten by patrons. Not being able to do anything besides call security for patrons who are experiencing mental health episodes.
I worked for a [religious non-PWI academic institution]. They are very judgmental, they don’t practice empathy or forgiveness and they hold grudges that impact how fast they sign forms and contracts for your department…A colleague…would also go in my office when I wasn’t there and constantly accused me of things I did not do. She also held up crosses at me during work shifts (in front of students) and treated me as if I was the devil…My former supervisor also would get angry and picked on me, he did not do it to my colleagues who happen to be White like he was. It was just me and I was the only black person in the department at the time because of the Dean…I ended up leaving that place and I really loved working there. I wanted to retire there and I mourn that job although its been [several years].”
Details about distress suffered due to moral injury:
The amount of anger and pitting of colleagues against each other has had a deep negative impact on our work group. The withholding and hoarding of information that the entire unit needs in order to function is causing extreme break down in operations which is impacting colleagues ability to document their work for their tenure packets. (I’ve completed it so I am safe from negative impacts to my chance of tenure) but knowing colleagues who are wonderful to work with and wonderful at their jobs may not get tenure under this leader’s incompetence is horrible.
I was in therapy every 2 weeks, tried multiple SSRIs to no avail, CBT workshops, terrible sleep because I would wake up and ruminate.
Emotional distress. Nightmares. Anxiety.
PTSD survivor’s guilt after layoffs is real and can manifest when those who remain feel a deep sense of guilt and responsibility for colleagues who lost their jobs, leading to emotional and psychological distress. This guilt can be compounded by ongoing stress, such as being tasked with additional responsibilities.
The state of the world is a dumpster fire. I can survive if my job isn’t a dumpster fire, but it is such a dumpster fire. It’s hard to be super excited to come to work where you know that someone is receiving preferential treatment. In their new role, this person is causing division through their piss poor communication.
I was miserable, couldn’t sleep, was engaging in behaviors bad for me (too much drinking and eating junk food to zone out), started to question my own abilities, started to question my own sanity and ability to perceive what was happening. All this while I was trying to support my team and protect them from the worst of it. Considered leaving the profession I love and am good at.
I am hyper vigilant. I am no longer able to form friendships at work the same way since my trust has been violated. I was told by leaders I am entitled and selfish. This made me question my personality and my morals to the very core of who I am.
In Part 3, we’ll continue exploring emotional, spiritual, and career/practice impacts – and respondents also share insight into what has helped them in their recovery. If you’d like to participate in this Data Collection Project, please do so. I’ll share periodic updates as I receive more data. You can also subscribe to the Renewals newsletter to keep up with my projects.
If you’re seeking support as you navigate or lead through workplace dysfunction, Renewals Coaching is a great option. Let’s set up a Connection Call soon.
