Inaugural Data Collection Brief: Moral Injury During Low-Morale Experiences – Part 3 (August 2025)

I’ve been sharing initial data revealing the role and impact of moral injury during low-morale experiences. Part 1 shares respondent demographics and details about their low-morale experiences that included moral injury. Part 2 offers qualitative data on the events of moral injury. This final part continues sharing qualitative data, focusing on shifts in emotions, approaches to spiritual practices, impacts on career and practice, and finally insight on recovery strategies.

Details about emotions and actions done due to moral injury:

I was angry, frustrated, anxious because I never knew when the screaming and yelling would start or if I would be next dealing with the never ending investigations. Exhausted from lack or sleep and doing multiple jobs with no support.

I often have to cry in my office, I am asking for intermittent FMLA, I have isolated myself.

Not fighting back earlier not leaving earlier still wanting to do the work.

Guilt – what did I do to initiate this? What could I have done differently to avoid it? I’m a failure because this is happening. Anger and helplessness were overwhelming.

Mad at myself for not being able to do more.

I felt an immense sense of shame during and after the incident.

I self sabotage by not showing up to work on time, by being more disagreeable to leaders of the library, by ignoring parts of my job that I find unimportant. I’ve felt all the other emotions when I see patrons and staff members not getting the help they need or being neglected by our system.

I feel awful that I’ve communicated the dean’s promises and declarations to my colleagues and staff only to have to renege on the promise. I learned eventually to not share information, something that is central to my beliefs as a manager.

In addition to distrust, frustration, and anger with the institution for allowing this to happen.

I’ve been suffering from intense depression and anxious about my future… I blocked [my former boss] and my other coworkers on [social media] as well as their phone numbers, so I never feel tempted to ever crawl back to them and try to tell them that the way they treated me really hurt.

I’ve been gone for years and am still angry.

Details about the impact of moral injury on religious/spiritual outlook:

I am not religious but I do believe in living my values of empathy and honesty. Being punished and/or taken advantage of and/or blamed because of those values has shaken me. I don’t know if I belong in libraries if this leader is who is elevated and given power. I want no part of that world, so now I question if I am fundamentally not meant for this profession.

I question why this is happening as if all the traumas I’ve experienced before weren’t enough. I am feeling angry at God and everyone too. Asking Why do I deserve this?

I am too devoted and deep in my spiritual practice, in fact the situation probably has increased my commitment and practice as a Muslim.

I was highly spiritual before my experience with low morale. When everything was against me, and things never added up, it was hard to believe in a creative power or benevolence. It wasn’t until I moved away and found a better environment my outlook is much brighter almost spirtual. Now that I’ve escaped a culture of low morale, maybe I’ll be more spiritual again.

Kind of? I’ve always known that some people suck, but it was especially distressing to encounter that in someone in a significant leadership role, and their behavior was (for all I could see) unchecked.

Sometimes I wonder if my termination from that job and the 15-month search for a new long-term position after is some sort of karmic debt I have to pay.

I’m pagan, and I know I did the right thing. This has not affected my spirituality one way or another.

It made me lose faith in altruism and karma. I kept waiting for my cup to be refilled but now it is just empty and I don’t give kindness as freely as I used to which violates the rules and tenants of my faith.

Details about impact of moral injury on library work/career:

I had to leave the profession for a while (2 years). When I returned in November, I found myself being extra cautious and nervous about things. Doubting my abilities a lot.

My library career is over, and that’s ok.

I had to take a lower paying position in order to escape the situation. Injury to professional network.

I struggled but resilient and was able to push through in applying and finding another job (five months clean). I got a new job!

I worry that I am learning the “wrong” things as I observe and deal with the decisions made by higher library administration. I am afraid to advance to the next level for fear I may perpetuate these kinds of petty, vindictive actions.

It made me question whether or not I want to keep working in libraries. It made me feel that all EDI talk is a sham. It made me regret taking a managerial role because now I feel forced to align myself with someone who exhibits values and actions that are contrary to mine.

I can no longer do in a tasks that are important to me at work. I will never be promoted again. I feel like all my years of library service were in a complete waste of time. I regret choosing librarianship as a career, because it required many sacrifices–like working a second job due to low pay–that were NOT worth it. I am being forced to retire early and will not have enough income to enjoy retirement.

I started over in public libraries and am so glad I did. We have other issues, but I have my confidence back.

In some ways it has motivated me to start bringing the resources we need to the library and pushing for them/creating a new role for myself, which has been exhausting but feels like it’s slowly working. In others ways it has made me want to quit on the spot and become a recluse or give up my values and vision for my community.

I’m honestly scared I will never be able to enter the field as new graduate and start my career. I’m scared that I will never be employed again, in any field…The longer my job search goes on, the more anxious I get about my future job prospects. Even with my MLS and my previous work experience in libraries, I feel like no one has given me a real chance to prove myself. I’m afraid no one will ever take a chance on me ever again.

I have imposter’s syndrome, I excessively worry and I don’t apply for jobs that I should because I feel that I am not worthy or I won’t get it because of my race. I don’t feel like I am as good as my colleagues sometimes. I diminish my role to others. My confidence is low. My double consciousness as a black person steeped in spirituality is stronger, than the personal lens in which I view myself as a black librarian. I’m also hesitant to participate in committees whether at work or professionally.

Strategies for moral injury recovery:

Leaving for 2 years, working in a new relaxed environment.

Spiritual practice, friends, family, and building my business.

Reading your articles!

Therapy. Leaving.

Exercise and taking better care of myself. I got a new job and that has helped.

My Rabbi.

Talking to trusted colleagues outside my library, as well as reflecting on how I would have handled the situation differently.

I find pockets of joy where I can. I love to read romances and I have bought several old school romances. I’ve started eating better and exercising more (of note all this shit went down during and after I had to take fmla for a [health concern]. I have also bought [new exercise equipment]. We have adopted two [pets]. I’m also finding a lot of joy listening to the back catalog of Kendrick Lamar.

I could get another job and still run Into moral injury. There’s no way to predict it.

Finding mentorship through Asian Pacific American Library Association, as well as career counseling through Society of American Archivists has helped me find ways to approach my job search from a place of curiosity and self-compassion, rather than self-hatred and judgment.

Counseling, self affirmation, surrounding myself with people who truly know and love me.

Other details shared:

I take the brunt of the bad at work as the manager. I stand between him and my other staff who do amazing work. But because I am his target and he has sent awful emails to everyone in the organization, I’m asked to not engage, not respond, and to document. I event went to HR to complain that we fear he might become violent but we were dismissed. I love my job but not right now. And I honestly feel I do not have any support from above. And when I went on social media (did not mention the org, name, position, etc) I got told to stay off it so they closed off any support I might have had.

It made me feel like I wasn’t capable or good enough . It made my self esteem low.

I now feel that leadership in academic libraries is a lie. I really wonder if there are actually good library leaders out there, because the really bad ones seem to get rewarded over and over. My [administrator] is [expanding her role in the field]–how can [LIS] laud and uphold someone so toxic, harmful, wasteful, and morally bankrupt?

If an employer deprofessionalizes librarians, doesn’t invest in your professional development or college tuition they are creeps. If they are having layoffs then they can’t do math well enough to run a place and thats a red flag. Leave. There are greener pastures in libraries elsewhere.

I never want to work with zionists, white supremacists, or any sort of bigots ever again. This seems harder than ever, unfortunately during Trump’s second time in office.

Low morale seems to come from lower tiered employees being asked to put aside their needs and feelings while administrators have all the space to slow their emotions to rule their actions. It is unbalanced and unfair.

Hurt people hurt people.

If you’re concerned about how low-morale experiences are impacting you, your approach to your Life-work – or you are navigating career transition from a toxic workplace – Renewals Coaching can support you! Set up a Connection Call now – and don’t forget to subscribe to the Renewals newsletter!

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